A Faith Crisis

Time to Start Blogging again…

It’s been a while since I last posted a blog. I have to admit that I’ve started several blogs but none have never made it past the “draft” phase.

God has been teaching me so much lately- too much to write down regularly. He has been molding me into a better husband, riding me of my pride, and defeating sin in my life. All of this is for one purpose- to make me more like His Son- Jesus.

When this recent journey started, I was convinced that God was going to me molding me into a better pastor- one who would proclaim truth more boldly, teach with more wisdom, and counsel with more care, but being a pastor is not my sole purpose in life. My sole purpose in life is to glorify God through my relationship with Him and my relationships with the people around me. I’m learning that being a good pastor means being a good Christian first.

I still have a burning passion deep in my bones that has yet to relent. But still, even through the dryness of this season, God has been extremely good to feel me with the peace that only He can give. My heart may be restless but I am learning what Paul must have meant to be content in every situation and in every situation living so that one more person to come to know Jesus as their Lord.

People are Different!

Through the journey of the past few months, I have sat under great Godly men. Men who love their wives well, hate sin with passion, repent regularly, and lead with Vision. I have sat with both the long sense converted and the new to the faith. I have ate lunch with those who who drink beer and those who smoke. I have had heated conversations about faith and religion, and I have been encouraged by the great faith of meek men.

God has been showing me that people are so different than I first imagined. Some I relate to, others I struggle to be around, but one thing is certain, God is all around and working in people’s hearts!

I wish I could say that God has given me some great vision to reach people or some grand plan for the advancement of the Kingdom, but I’d be lying if I did. The truth is, all of these new experience have caused me to question my very purpose in this world. All of these new experiences have made it extremely hard to see God as I once did.

It seems as if life is speeding up and new things are happening too fast to keep up!

But there is good news in this rant! 

I was reading the other day and a story jumped up off the page and smacked me in the face. The story had to do with prayer. In the story, the author was saying that there was this one time early in his faith that he really struggled in his prayer life. Some things had changed drastically in his life and he had come to a point that he no longer felt God’s presence in his life. He told of times where he would sit for hours waiting on God to meet in him prayer. He wrote of a very dry season in his spiritual journey that I really can relate to. But then he told of something a friend told him. He was confessing his struggle with praying to his friend, when his friend told him that he wasn’t praying in faith.

The author felt dumbfounded, he left to conversation enraged! Then it hit him, his friend was right! He wasn’t praying in faith that God was there and cared about his prayers. He realized that he had spent so much time focusing on his “feeling” of desertion, that he forgot that God had made some pretty big promises in Scripture regarding His people.

He realized that God hadn’t left him and that God wasn’t angry with him, but God was testing his faith. This is what caught my attention.

Come on Chris… Are you Blind?

I’ve been so focused on my past mistakes and failures, and have been spending way too much time feeling sorry for myself, that I have forgot that God has made the promise to never leave me. God has been testing my faith, to show me what I my dependency on Him.

I’ve come to figure that I have failed this test dramatically! I’ve been fighting with God and been so angry at Him for no good reason. I’ve felt alone and far from God, but He has been by my side the whole time.

Having faith in an invisible God is really hard, but faith is all about believing what you can’t see. God is here and His loving arms are all around us. My faith is not in my feelings, not in my surroundings, not in my actions, and not in my money, but it is in God. My faith is in a all powerful God who moves mountains, divides seas, raises the dead, and feeds thousands. God is my Rock and my Shelter!

I wish I would have realized this sooner!


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